*heavily debates* … ✯

britishhsdetectivehakuba:

britishhsdetectivehakuba:

Hakuba’s gloved knuckles wrapped against the door. It made a hallow knocking sound, at least to his own ears. It hadn’t been that loud either, he was hesitant, standing there with his fist hovering inches from the door for what felt like hours, but had probably only been minuets. His mother had come to town to visit, and he’d been happy about that, he missed his mother.

What he didn’t miss was the fighting.

He let his hand fall to his side, his other rising to ball into a fist in his suit sleeve. When his mother came to Japan, which wasn’t very often, or his father came to London – which was even less – his parents tried not to fight in front of him. They know how it made him feel. He knew they were never going to get back together, and he never acted otherwise, he never tried to make them love each other again.

That didn’t make it hurt any less.

The yelling had gotten loud, so loud he could hear it in his bedroom, his safe place; the place where nothing was supposed to touch him. He’d tried going for a walk in the garden, but the sound of doors slamming and shouts had drawn him away from the house, and towards the house of his classmate.

Normally when he got anxious like this, his mysophobia would get worse and he’d spend a few hours washing his hands, and then a few more in the shower. But for some reason today was the opposite. Instead of wanting to hide from the world, from everything; he wanted to be touched. He wanted to be held, for someone to hold his shaking body as he cried. He wanted to be weak, just for a few moments.

He was pulled from his thoughts as the door before him opened. He took a step back, a little bit surprised, and he could already feel his shoulder starting to shake, the tears welling up in his eyes. He let his head fall forward, the deerstalker casting a shadow over his face as he waited for the other to speak.

Hakuba was actually surprised.

Maybe it was because he was wearing a suite and inverse jacket. Maybe it was because he was so emotionally unstable he could barely think straight. Maybe it was because he really wanted to be held right now. Normally the thought of someone placing their hands on him made him panic, but as Kuroba placed his hand on his back to lead him towards living room all Hakuba could think was.

Were his hands always this warm?

When they reached the living room he felt his legs give out and he collapsed onto the couch. He placed his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. He was still shaking, and tears were still streaming down his face, but his cries became silent as he sat there. He knew that once he completely calmed down, he’d be embarrassed. He didn’t like it when people saw this vulnerable side of him. Least of all people he liked, respected or considered a rival.

Kuroba could be considered all of the above.

He swallowed thickly and tried to even out his shuddering breaths. He heard what Kuroba was saying, about wanting to know the reason behind his breakdown, and that was expected. This wasn’t his normal behavior. He was starting to wonder if maybe he should just go home, he wasn’t sure how much more his pride could take, but he figured the other wouldn’t let him leave..

“I understand.” He took a deep breath, let it out. He might was well ask, he’s already let the other see him cry. “Can you…” Hakuba trailed off, the tips of his ears going pink. “.. just hold me… for a little while…”