britishhsdetectivehakuba:

Hakuba rubbed a hand through his hair. It must have been because he was so tried, that these thoughts were going through his head. He didn’t need contact, he didn’t need to be touched, these were things he lived without for a long time, and never once did he think it was hard. Really, life was perfectly fine, so why now? Why now did he crave a touch, a grind, a pleasure that he’d only ever felt once in his life.

Have not, want not.

He’d had a taste of the things he’d lived without and now he wanted more. He curled and curled inward a little bit, arms coming to rest behind his knees and his head leaned forward against the table. He’d never wanted before in his life, he always had everything. Food, money, clothes, a good education, loving mother, a good friend at school, cases to keep him busy; a nice car. But now, now he was wanting, and it was something he couldn’t have. It made him ache.

His eyes widened as the detective started going into a fetal position, and he started to get up, reaching an arm out, but stopping before it made contact. He wanted to ask what was wrong, or even just say his name to get his attention, but the sound of the bell reminded him that Hakuba had asked him not to speak.

But then it also reminded him he could.

“Stop.”