britishhsdetectivehakuba:

It was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room, and it had become so silent he could hear his blood rushing through his veins. His body trembled and ached and wanted and he just wanted it all to stop,. He wanted to go back to not caring, to not wanting and loving and being distant and cold. He didn’t want to ache with a desire that he couldn’t fulfill. He didn’t want to long for things he couldn’t have. All of this was too much, too much but not enough.

He startled when he felt the blanket drape over him, and he knew, he knew the other was leaving. Of course he was, here was Hakuba curled up on the ground shaking and acting like some over-emotional teenaged girl. He would leave if he ever saw someone do something like this, it was unsightly and awkward. He was probably feeling so disgusted with him right now.

But he didn’t want him to leave.

Hakuba reached out and snagged the other pant leg with trembling fingers. “H-Hold me…” the words were out before he could stop them. “Make the ache stop, even… even if I push you away, hold me and don;t let go. I’d rather be scared out of my mind then feel like this.”

He felt the other grab the cloth.

He knew he should ignore it and pull away, with the detective as he was right now…

He could have said no.

But he didn’t.

Kaito looked down at the shaking hand. Then he knelt down, bell ringing softly, and gently pulled the fingers away, holding them in his own as he slid closer. He bent over the detective to carefully stand him up a bit with his other arm before wrapping it around Hakuba, the first lingering on the fingers before following suit. He pushed down the guilt that wanted to come up from just this simple act to hug the other tighter.

Was he doing it because he’d been told to? Because he knew the other wanted it? Because he himself wanted it? Any reason would probably have been an acceptable one.

But he was just hoping he’d made the right choice to stay. And that the other wouldn’t hate him for it.