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The thief didn’t look up. Though he had been the one to come over to the other’s house, he didn’t want the detective to see him like this…
As he recalled the events from earlier that night, the tears wouldn’t stop. He could still feel the hand of the man he had tried to save, just before his grip had…
A choke escaped him and he lowered his head even more.
“There was nothing I could do…”
Shinichi sighed a moment, watching him, then moved a little further onto the bed to curl up before him. He wasn’t sure if the other needed any sort of touch so he’d wait for now. He just… needed to find the right words now.“Because we’re human,” he answered after a moment’s more of silence. “Because no matter how hard we can try at something sometimes we’re doomed to fail. You can’t dwell on the past, can’t let the failures and the deaths get to you."
God he was so bad at this.
"I know it’s not easy, and probably sounds pretentious or something coming from me. But you can’t undo what’s already been done, and you can’t bring back the lives that have already been lost. And I know it hurts, especially for someone like you who values life so much you have a rule that you try to never let get broken during heists.”
Someone had one told him those words, told him it wasn’t part of his job to pay for the ones he couldn’t help but that didn’t mean that every death he stumbled upon didn’t hurt. That every life he couldn’t save until the killer was caught didn’t haunt him.
The thief looked up at the other, staring for a minute before finally shifting closer. No, the words didn’t really help. He knew what was done was done. That he couldn’t change it.
That was the problem. It was permanent.
Though it was true that he focused too much on those that had been lost and his failures in general, he couldn’t just let them fade either. He needed to keep them, so he could try and avoid or learn how to better handle similar situations.
That didn’t stop the pain and guilt that arose every time another name was added to the list.
His ‘rule’ was laughable. Kid might not attack people, true. But that didn’t stop others from doing harm or trying to exploit that fact. Aoko and Jii threatened on separate occasions, Akako used as a puppet to try and kill him, people murdered while the killers hid behind the thief’s name. He likely had thousands of fans, many of which would be happy to go to prison in his place if it meant they could assist the ‘great’ Kaitou Kid. More zealous fans might even die for him. But why? Because he made himself noticeable. He’s a thief who puts on a show. He entertains them, amases them, makes them interested. He’s a gentleman who announces the crime he will commit, doesn’t hurt anyone himself, and almost always returns what he steals. Who uses magic and charm to distract everyone from seeing what he’s really doing.
They never see the danger. And those that do, he keeps away. Really, he shouldn’t have even come here right now. Shouldn’t keep coming back to Shinichi…
But he didn’t want to be alone either. Not tonight. No matter how much his mask of composure had slipped, he wanted- needed someone to be with, even if only as Kid. Though, he’d have still been happier if it had been after he’d calmed down enough to stop crying before the detective had come in…
A sigh.
Every time…
Slowly, he reached his arms out around the other, pulling him close and holding him tight, a slight tremor passing through them. His face pressed against the detective’s chest, hat slipping back some.
Every time he was given time to really think about what surrounds him… he couldn’t stop spiraling down. Probably, no matter what Shinichi had said, he wouldn’t have pulled out of it. But at least he’d tried. And it wasn’t as though what he said wasn’t true. The thief was just too set in his thinking, in his guilt.
Moonlight Archive 